A Closer's Coffee

Social Proof is a psychological concept that describes humanity’s tendency toward conformity. The various studies, by Robert Cialdini and others, have shown that when individuals are faced with a choice without clear guidelines about acceptable social behavior, they tend to follow what they believe to be the popular course of action. Why does the coat check person “salt” the tip jar with one and five dollar bills? The salted bills establish with conclusive visual proof that others before us were tossing ones and fives into the jar. We now have a guideline (so it would appear) on what most people do in this situation.

Employing tactics based on the concept of social proof can greatly improve the reaction we receive in social situations. Understanding social proof lets us raise our social value among the other participants at a gathering, and lets others see us in the most positive light. Whatever our actual social status may be: a clever manipulation of social proof lets us to be seen as the person in the room everybody wants to know.

Watch what happens when a group of strangers fill in a room at a conference. We will notice that the people tend to gravitate toward their social/professional equals. The young nerds will square off in a corner of the room, while a pair of 50-something alpha male senior managers is speaking in the center of the room. The speakers are also chatting each other up near the bar. In other words, we tend to sort ourselves out quickly according to our self-esteem.

So the next time we attend a conference we will be sure not to establish the wrong market value for ourselves by joining a lower caste. Working our way back up the slippery pole is not easy to do. Rather we will start at the top, and remember to show some noblesse oblige to the lesser luminaries.

Looking the part of a winner helps a great deal in establishing our market value in the room. Our clothing should be tasteful, high quality, and in excellent condition. If our shoes look like they went through a few rainstorms and have wavy soles, it’s time for a new pair. Our wristwatch should be top quality. Women with nice but restrained jewelry win big points. Try to avoid wearing anything that is derivative or fake. Nothing makes our social value plunge faster than a fake Louis Vuitton bag.

A capable wingman is one of the most effective ways to manufacture on the spot social proof. An “accomplishment introduction” is when we introduce our wing in a favorable light according to his accomplishments and good character. In this way we are each other’s micro advertising campaigns helping to spread the word in the universe of conference attendees. Keep in mind that a specialized conference can have the most targeted of markets for our legal services. Having a trusted, quality wingman, with whom we are not in direct competition, is essential.

Here is a list of other things we can do to manufacture instant social proof:
• Show everyone that we are calm, cool, collect; never let them see us trying hard or that we need our next case
• Show our time is valuable by keeping conversations short; cut off boring or irrelevant conversational threads in a polite way
• Demonstrate alpha male or female qualities such as confidence, high self esteem, leadership, stability, success, direct, open, not easily threatened
• Be positive, charming, and give good emotion to the group with whom we are speaking; other people will notice when they see as a commanding presence in the group we are speaking to
• Always talk to the highest social value persons in the room; they can include those with the most prestigious careers, along with those who are physically and socially attractive
• Self promote in an attractive way: notice the reaction we are receiving
• Never wander around the room aimlessly, this kills our social value, rather leave one encounter and immediately open another person or group
• Don’t seek the approval of anyone; neediness is a killer
• Demonstrate a high level of professional competence and success
• Smile, be friendly, have a strong level of energy
• Dress well
• Be slightly mysterious
• As we move from group to group look for opportunities to make introductions to someone at the conference we just met; we add value and others will notice us making introductions; this creates a very positive impression because we operate from a position of abundance and have something to give

We can also put in place a longer-range strategy to build institutional social proof by making ourselves an insider in a group that is target rich in potential clients. The idea is to become entrenched in a group or organization so that we will be seen as an indispensable leader, and beloved person. The following are some ideas to help us accomplish this goal:
• Make the staff love us; know and use their names, charm them; when others see that the staff knows and likes us it reflects very well
• Make the leadership love us for the same reason, and even more importantly
• Be helpful to the group by accomplishing the tasks people are reluctant to do such as recruiting, fund raising, serving as corporate secretary, etc.
• Get our firm to become a sponsor of the group for an event
• Arrange for a speaker, and be the person who introduces her at the event
• Join the board of the organization

Social proof, in summary, is an important tool in establishing a high market value for social status at any social gathering. By giving others a basis to judge us in an esteemed way, we allow others to feel attraction for us, instead to having to prove ourselves. Just sit back and enjoy the ride!

Tags: breaking the ice, cold approach, Ice Breaker, networking, Working the Room